Past Messages

11th September

Morning amore,

I am happy that we can still unite throughout the toughest of times. Yesterday was quieter but still impactful for us, and every day seems so significant in our journey together. Thank you for always being so open and so keen to work things out between us. I love how communicative you are and how you care about our relationship. You’re the best.

I was praying that everything was okay after seeing your location last night, and I was so relieved to wake up to your message. Some things are bigger and more important than us, and Collins’ health is absolutely one of those. Take care of your girl and let me know what I can do to make that easier. Always here for you both

10th September

I said that yesterday’s post would be my last, but updating this has become such a ritual. And I know that you will wake up to check and see if I have updated the site.

I hope you realise that I will never find a love like this. I am so grateful for what you have shown me. Whatever happens and whatever we decide to do, know that you have been such a significant part in my development as a man and (hopefully some day) a dad. Your impact will stay with me forever, as well as the amazing memories we have shared together.

Ti amo sempre, e senza condizioni

9th September

I think that our relationship deserves one final post to highlight how special all of this has been for me. I could write a thousand more posts about my favourite times together with you, but I will try to limit it to one final one out of respect for our decision. 

I could have never imagined one year ago that I would come across someone so perfect for me. You really are perfect for me in every way other than our location. How kind you are. How caring and loving you are. How self assured you are, and how much of a dedicated mother you are. How you carry yourself as a woman and how you make your way through life. All of those things are so new to me and I haven’t been exposed to someone so pure in my life before. Ever. 

And not only are you like that, but you fell in love with ME in the process. You allowed yourself to feel the same natural feelings that I did and you followed your heart rather than your head. I hope that you realise I have no regrets at all about our time together, because it will benefit my life in so many ways. I truly want you to be happy and to find someone who treats you and respects you as much as you deserve. Although I can’t give you that in person right now our paths might cross again and we might end up together, but at the very least you showed me what I deserve in life and what I was always missing. And I cannot thank you enough for that, Christine. 

I will keep this website active for a while longer, and maybe I will deactivate it but I will never delete it. It is too special to me and is a reminder of the incredible time that I have had over the past eight months. You will always have my heart, amore mio. Always. Take care of yourself, take care of Collins, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve

2nd September

Morning beautiful.

I want things to be better really soon, and I know that you do too. We have to improve our situation and get back to being fully secure and in love. It is hurting us, making us cry, destroying us physically and mentally every day right now because we have not been on good terms. And I know that I am to blame for it which makes me feel even worse about it.

I will try to do better. I looked at photos and read through my previous posts on here and had tears in my eyes this morning. We have been through so much and built a relationship which has the strongest connection I could imagine, and thankfully that pulls us together and doesn’t let either of us turn our back on us.

You said I wasn’t clear, so let me make myself clear. I almost lost you yesterday, and it instantly made me realise that I went from having someone in my life that I loved to having nothing. I have nothing else in this world other than you and family. No home, no idea of my next job, hardly any possessions. Just the prospect of our life in the future giving me everything that I ever wanted. I am at truly rock bottom right now and I need to get out of it. And it starts with us, because you are everything to me.

I will try to do better and I ask you to please try to do the same. Let’s rebuild and be strong again. Even if it takes the last ounce of energy I have.

I love you

1st September

Ciao amore.

Sorry to rob you of this for the past few days. Even though I feel so far from my best and from the man who created this site for you, I want to check in to show you my appreciation and love for you. You are so incredibly supportive and understanding in a way which is alien to me. Thank you, with all of my heart. I hope that I can be better for you soon. You deserve it.

I love yo

29th August

Morning beautiful.

Yesterday you were truly there for me when I needed you most, and I woke up today so so grateful for you. You supported me, gave me confidence and hope back, and reassured me that everything would be okay in the long run. You let me raise my voice and speak freely without making me feel bad about it, and you absorbed everything that I said and offered your unconditional love and support. It was just what I needed.

You really have changed so much since we started dating in the best way possible. I think that being in your own place and turning this chapter in your life has given you a fresh perspective on us, and how our relationship should work long term. Yesterday was a great example of that, and it will work like that both ways. I think we are finally at a stage where we know that there is no possibility of losing the other person so we aren’t scared to speak our mind about how we feel. I felt comfortable saying things like “this is the worst that I have ever felt” because I know that don’t see me as having one foot out the door. Thank you so much for getting us to this stage. It was needed.

I know that last night was tricky for you without Collins, and honestly it is okay to be upset about it. She’s your everything and you should want to see her every day. Let me know anytime you want to talk about it or anytime you just need to be picked up. I am here from you - drunk or sober.

I love you so muc

28th August

Morning beautiful.

Today I’m going to be unfiltered, without a care for spelling, grammar or what comes across through what I write. Because yesterday I overthought what was good to say or what would help get us back on track, and the authenticity is not good. It essentially ruins the idea of this website if I choose my words based on what I think you want to read, and it actually goes against what our relationship should be.

When I think about the past few weeks and why I feel like we’ve taken a step back I think it comes down to a few things. I think that the distance between us feels larger. Not physical distance but how close we feel in our relationship. I hope that it is just a transitionary thing where you have been busy moving and have been in Boston, and I have been busy moving back here, and we will gradually become closer again. When I compare myself to how I was in Peru, I feel nowhere close to that attached to you or needy, but I guess that level was unhealthy for me and couldn’t go on forever haha. But - it does worry me and we need to work on this. It feels more difficult to spend alone time when I’m in Scotland than I thought because our Facetimes are always when my sister is there and although being on the phone to you is fine since she knows I don’t wanna be as loud and careless about sex etc. as usual, but we’ll work it out. We need to in order to be closer again. I feel like a small part of your life rn rather than the big thing that you are working towards, but it isn’t your fault.

Secondly, as we spoke about last night, my confidence and self assurance has taken such a knock recently. I think it is setting in that I really have nothing - no house, permanent address, no idea of what my job or income will be in the future. And I know that you say that I have you, and your apartment is also mine, and that Dallas is my home. But it doesn’t feel like it yet and the reality is that you could take that away from me overnight if you wanted to. Either next week or next year. Not that I believe that you want to do that or will do that, but that is the fact of the situation that you could. Anything could happen that turns you away from me for good, and I’d be out on my ass so quickly. This issue should pass over time though and I just need you to support me through it and honestly keep doing what you are doing because you’ve been amazing.

On a positive note though one thing that I am so happy about though is how much better you seem. Yesterday you were genuinely glowing. You seemed so relieved and content not just on our Facetime but also on the team call. You seem like yourself and I haven’t really seen you like that since February or March honestly. That tells me two things; that you are 100% sure of this plan and happy with it, and also that we are closer to the end goal. Keep it up please and let me know how I can help each step of the way. Really this is all I want, and your happiness and peace is my priority.

I love you. That doesn’t change. I know that you have made me happier in moments being together than I have ever been. And I still see my future with you. I just have to get back to being the charming, confident, smooth guy that you met at SKO and fell in love with shortly after. That Luke seems to have been left back at the start of the year. But he can come back and be there for you Christine, because I don’t want to lose you and don’t want you to feel like I have become a lost cause. I hope that I can get back to where you are right now as I feel the least at peace and least happy that I have ever been, but again you being there is so amazing for me to see. You’re everything.

27th August

Ciao amore.

What a fucking day yesterday. We did say that we’d never be bored, but that was stressful…

I appreciate you so much for not only keeping yourself safe and out of danger, but for sticking by our love and always choosing me. I always expected you to but until something happens you never know. Thank you.

And I hope you don’t see me as doing the opposite. Although I’d completely understand if you did, I really am not turning away from you or backing away from what we have committed to. In fact, because of what you say about always waiting as long as you need to for “us” I feel less pressured to go against what might be best, like not come next week. And that isn’t my final decision, but is one that I am considering to allow the situation to be better longer term and not act opposite to what would be sensible.

I love you more and more everyday. And I do think that love is enough. Keep the faith in us and we’ll get there amore. Sei il mio mondo

25th August

Ciao amore.

Back to longer posts today! Although Saturday was tough, we managed to chat about things like adults yesterday and focus on the bigger picture of what we are working towards, which I am so happy to have been able to do. It was an example of how we can resolve problems in the future which may even be bigger and more important, yet still feel secure and know that the other person has to remain ours. Thank you so much.

Now, we can try to have a better day today. We both have some plans but I know that we will make time for each other. This long distance stage is difficult but we can do it, as we continue to show so often. I see how important FaceTime is for you so I am committed to making sure I give you that time every day. Besides, I am never going to complain about getting to see the face that I fell in love with. You’re a dream to me.

Ti amo, senza dubbi e senza cambi. Sei l’unica persona con cui che vorrei passare ogni minuto della mia vita futura. Sarai la madre dei miei bambini, e la madre della tua bambina che amerò e di cui mi prenderò cura ogni giorno. Io e te. Sempre

24th August

I still love you. Always will.

23rd August

Buongiorno amore,

Better late than never!

I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for you today. When I think about our time in this long distance relationship, I remember all of the moments where you have prioritise me and it really is on a daily basis. Even on days when I am busy I am never as busy as you are everyday when you’re looking after Collins, yet you still find the time to not only check in but engage in loving conversations with me. You reassure me and keep me close even when you have so much on, and it is truly something that I have never been lucky enough to receive before.

And this really shows me how much you care about me. I know that you wouldn’t do this for someone that you didn’t love fully or see a future with. I truly see you as the best person I have ever met, and you wouldn’t waste your time. And thinking about it this was is giving me so much security today. Thank you for sticking by me.

I will always, always be here for you. I could never turn my back on what we have, never mind what I know we will build in the future. You are my whole world, and so will our little family that will grow in the years to come.

I love you so fucking much. Have the best day x

22nd August

Buongiorno amore,

I am getting to that stage where I’m fed up of chatting and just want to see you. Even though we planned it so that we only had one month between visits and we are halfway through, it seems like time is dragging by more and more each time. 2 weeks seems so close, yet so far away…

This is one aspect that won’t get easier over time until we are fully together and I am in Dallas full time. Every time that I need to leave will be filled with sadness, followed by a difficult few days of being alone again. But you will never, ever be alone. And I know that I won’t either. We will be just a Facetime away, which is really how we have spent the majority of our relationship anyway and how we have built what we have today. We will start to find more of a routine with Facetime as well rather than just ad-hoc whenever we have a moment. And Facetime will involve Collins eventually too, and be a family thing as well as just a chance for us to speak to each other.

I will be writing a post from the airport in London in exactly two weeks from today. I already know how filled with excitement I will be at visiting you and our home together. Let’s have the best two weeks that we can doing this long distance thing and make time go by quickly.

I love you, Christine. A painful amount

21st August

Buongiorno amore,

I woke up this morning feeling so grateful and appreciative that I have you in my life. You put your own tiredness and issues aside to be there to support me at my worst. You talked me off from the edge and reminded me why we are going through the short term pain. And you reassured me that things will be better soon. It was exactly what I needed.

It might takes years for me to come to terms that I have you forever, but it just comes from the disbelief that I have gotten this lucky in life. Not only have I met and built a relationship with someone that is so physically attractive, but someone that is so loyal and committed to me. That is just so hard for me wrap my head around and I often just think it is too good to be true. But then I realise that maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you do feel just as in love with me as I do with you. And maybe this was just meant to be and I shouldn’t question it.

No matter what we go through, I will always love you and be here. We have been through enough of the hard stuff…let’s get these final parts sorted and find peace together.

Can’t wait for you to wake up. I love you so much.

20th August

I don’t want you to wake up to no post. We have been through far too much for me to just give up this side of our relationship which has brought us so close.

Yesterday was fucking ugly. I said some things that I didn’t mean or said just to hurt you, and I think you did the same back to me. I truly am sorry and never want to treat you like that again. You deserve better.

Hopefully we can have a productive and rational chat today. Not knowing where we stand is eating me up this morning. Please let me know.

I love you

19th August

Ciao amore.

How we manage to pull things back yesterday, like we always do, is the biggest sign of our compatibility. I am in complete agreement with you that I’m done with the stress and worry of this situation. I just want you, with no other noise or issues to deal with. I don’t want to have to bring up anything or anyone else, and have you in a place of full security and confidence. 

Your smile which eventually came out at the end of our Facetime is what keeps me going. Seeing you happy beats everything else, and it drives me to be better and to do right by you. I promise to never lose the desire to make you smile, and for the end goal to be a life of contentment.

We are doing too much talking and not enough of everything else that brings us close. Just stare into my eyes on Facetime and we don’t even need to speak. I just want to feel close to you again and not so distant.

I love you.

18th August

Ciao amore.

Communication continues to be our superpower. I know that in situations like yesterday every part of you probably wants to have a meltdown or just give up, because it happens to me too. Especially when the topic of debate involves our current situation, it is so easy to feel insecure or have doubts. And even though those feelings are maybe impossible to get rid of until we are fully together physically and through our divorces, the best thing that we can do is handle them sensibly.

Our relationship won’t be perfect and we will have fights and disagreements in the future. But I really see things getting calmer over time between us, and we are becoming a lot more used to the other person and how they act and communicate. I always want to improve and do right by you, both in the way that I act in the world and the way that I act with you. You have my commitment that I will always treat you with respect. And I will do whatever I can to make you feel secure and happy. That doesn’t mean me doing what I want to do and disregarding the effect it has on you, but rather doing what is right by you and our relationship.

Let’s do what we can to minimise all of this noise and just focus on the positives. The next few weeks will be hard for both of us with you being in Boston and me moving back to Scotland, but we can get through it.

Love is enough. And I love you.

17th August

Ciao amore.

I have been surprised at how quickly I become extremely possessive over you. It is a trait that I generally show, but it came out even back in February and it has been growing ever since. Possessive is a good word for it, but also protective. I want to make sure not only that you are mine and that I get you in a different way than anyone else ever has, but also that you are safe and defended at all times.

I know that you are a strong willed woman and you have the common sense to keep yourself safe, and honestly that’s so necessary for this long distance part to work. If you were naive and away with the fairies then I’d worry myself to death. I am always going to be naturally worried about you when you’re out, or travelling, or doing anything alone. And I hope that it doesn’t come across as a jealousy thing or a lack of trust. Now that I love you as much as I do, the idea of anything bad happening to you fills me with dread.

I don’t mean in reference to last night, by the way, and you’re always so good at checking in and ensuring that I know of your safety and that you are mine. It is really something that will never go away, but it’s all part of being with a proper man. I love you more than you will ever know.

Ti amo sempre, bellissima.

16th August

Ciao amore.

You are back in your hometown! Where I am sure good and not so good memories stick with you. I’m excited to see the place that you have told me so much about and the place that has formed you into the perfect woman who met me so many years later.

I often wonder where our future kids will call home. Top contenders seem to be Boston or Dallas, but who knows what life has in store. I never expected that I would be having little American babies but now I want nothing except that. They’ll grow up with cute hybrid accents. With blue or green eyes. With blondey brown hair. And they’ll probably be the tallest in their class.

I love fantasising about our life together, Christine. You have given me so much hope in life and it excites me every day. I can’t wait to make so many memories with you in new and familiar places, and love each other while doing it.

Ti amo sempre, bellissima.

15th August

Good morning amore,

I am sorry that you are anxious about the trip ahead. I am sure that it’ll go better than expected, mainly because you’re able to stick to the plan and avoid any deviation away from it so that the trip is about you, Collins, your family, your friends and nothing else.

Boston is where you grew up and spent most of your life, so I am sure you will feel comfortable and relaxed when you get there. I know that whenever I go back to Scotland I dread it slightly then really enjoy being back around the place that is my original home, so I hope that you feel the same way.

I am always here thinking of you and caring for you. This is all a part of the journey for us, and although it isn’t an ideal situation I hope that we can use it as a way to grow closer, build even more security and trust, and move days closer to the next time we see each other. You can lean on me for anything, at any time, no matter what. I love you and hope that you have the best time that you can.

Ti amo sempre, bellissima.

14th August

Good morning,

I loved our date last night. Time goes by so quickly when I am speaking to you. Felt like 10 minutes had passed and it was 2am. This is the exact situation that I was looking forward to this week though, and it exceeded expectations.

You are so right that we have some deep conversations. Conversations that would break other couples or that they’d avoid having. But those topics are what allows us to fully know the other person and accept them which is what was missing from our previous relationships. It is what will give you full security with me. Sure, I don’t know every detail about your past (and vice versa), but if there is something that you feel is important to tell me at any point then you know that you don’t need to have anxiety about telling me or avoid doing so.

I grow closer to you every day and can’t wait to just live life normally together. I love getting to know you but I feel like I am there now and just wanna be with you.

Ti amo sempre, bellissima.

13th August

Buongiorno amore,

I am so, so happy that you’re satisfied with our new home and that you’ve gotten it to a place already where you feel comfortable and at home. It really is the most important thing, because this part in your life can’t feel like a step backwards or a downgrade. It needs to feel like you’re better off and are on the path to the life that you have always wanted.

And I need to be a part of that. I need to feel like an upgrade, or at least a move towards something that represents what you want out of your future. I need to provide more to your life than anyone has previously, and I need to build a life with you which allows us to look back in 40 years and feel like we finally did life right.

I know that I can give you that. My shortcoming of not being there to help with the move has been eating me up, but I’m not gonna get upset about something that I can’t control or something that is in my past. I know what kind of man that I am, and that is a man that is involved, takes the lead and gets shit done for everything else that we come up against in life. I promise. I’ll be there forever.

I love you amore.

12th August

Buongiorno amore,

Last night was really tough for us, but it is important to remember that you are going through so much stress and new feelings at the moment and it must be really hard to manage. You must feel alone and like the world is against you - but you are not alone, and it isn’t against you. I want to always be your rock and the one that balances you out. I want to be able to hear anything and know that I can help you to get through it and everything will be okay.

Keep coping with your situation as best you can and please tell me anything that I can do to help out. You are not forcing me to do anything or to change if you tell me you need something from me. You’re communicating and getting the most out of the relationship, which is absolutely what is normal.

I love you, Christine. Through everything. And always will x

11th August

Buongiorno amore,

I never fail to be amazed by how effortless it is for you to make me a priority. These past few days have been insanely busy for you, but you still find time to check in by text and Facetime to make sure I am okay and that I know you are thinking about me. It’s a level of care and commitment that I have never experienced before and it gives me so much security, because I know you aren’t wasting your time doing this with someone you don’t love and care about.

Again I am so proud of what you have achieved these past few days. The photo you sent of Collins chilling with her bottle really summarises it for me, because she’s doing the same thing that she did in your last home, meaning you’ve been able to create a comfortable and safe place for her to keep living her life. You have been able to get so much done and turn this chapter of your life for the better, and it is honestly the most attractive thing. Continue to be the strong woman and mother that you are day by day, and I’ll be here to support you however I can.

I love you so much, Christine. Through everything x

10th August

Good morning amore.

I LOVE YOU. TI AMO.

Just in case I forget by the end of the post.

One week ago I was headed to the airport to meet you! Honestly I am so lonely this weekend and miss you more than I expected. Even though Milan felt like a holiday, it felt more like I was getting used to normal life with you and getting a glimpse of what it would be like to be around you every day.

Milan gave us a chance to learn more about each other. Not just our lives and things that we have done in the past, but the little things that we do and the way that we act. I feel closer to you day by day, and being in person together only accelerates that. I feel so seen by you. So accepted and desired. Thank you, truly. We don’t have long to wait till our next chance to spend quality time together. I’m pumped.

I love you so much, Christine. Good luck again today and I can’t wait to see you later x

9th August

Good morning amore.

To be honest, this weekend (and the past few days) have been a real struggle for me. I feel so inadequate and helpless. A regular house move inflicts physical and emotional stress, never mind one which has the added context of a separation. I can’t be there to help with the physical parts like lifting your boxes and furniture, or the emotional parts like hugging you or reassuring you that everything will be okay. I am so grateful that Ashleigh and Nikki are there to help out, but it should be me too.

The harsh reality is that if you met someone in your city, he could be there to do all of that. But instead you have chosen to be with me, thousands of miles away and unable to provide any support at all while you do this by yourself. I’m really asking myself “why?” this morning, and the only answer that I can think of is that you see something in me which makes up for everything in the long-term. And you are right. I know myself and my self worth. I really know that I will be there to help you and our family through everything. Through any future move or major milestone in our lives, I will be there to take a lead on the physical side and support you with the emotional side as best as I can.

I promise, Christine, that this is the only time that you will feel alone. You will have me by your side through everything that life throws at you. Holding you, kissing you, hugging you, telling you and ensuring that everything will be okay. I am so sorry that I can’t be there this weekend, but you really have got this. You are incredibly strong and capable. Go and make the step to spend the rest of your life happy.

8th August

Ciao bellissima.

One thing that never fails to amaze me is how much I miss you when we aren’t speaking. Even with my family and friends, there is a limit to how much I want to speak to them, either because they start to annoy me or we run out of things to speak about. But with you, it is so different.

I know that we are in early stages of dating and knowing each other despite already being 100% committed, but it really feels like I will never get bored of you or want time away from you. I love hearing about everything in your life…the normal, the unique, the stressful, the upsetting stuff. Literally all of it. I check my phone constantly and hate these first 5 hours every day when I don’t get to hear from you.

You really are my person in life, Christine. We have such similar humour and ways of communicating. You know when I am joking and when I am not. You know when I need reassurance and security. You know when I need love and attention, or for you to boost my confidence. And I really hope that I show you that same level of understanding.

This is after just 7 months, and those aren’t even 7 months of speaking consistently. It makes me so excited for what our relationship looks like after years of being together. We will know each other on such a deep level and have a complete connection that we can maintain for the rest of our lives together.

Now wake up and text me. I miss you.

7th August

Morning beautiful.

Getting back into a routine after two weeks away then 3/4 days with you has allowed me to really consider what we are building together. Really, we have only been on a handful of dates together and are already committing to spending the rest of our lives together, so being aware of how unique our situation is and being extremely understanding of each other is so important.

I really hope that our call yesterday helped to reassure you that I am not only interested in a fast-paced life spent in nice bars and restaurants. Sure, Nobu, Armani Hotel and rooftop bars are a dream day for me, but it isn’t reflective of how 99% of our time together will be spent. I had so so much fun just chatting, drinking, laughing and giving you PDA. But let’s now do what we do best, which is planning and executing. Let’s get a timeline in place and be aware of all benefits, risks and considerations along the way. Let’s leave the procrastination and the aimlessness to everyone else and make our future what we want.

But…I will never stop wanting to date you. Whether it is a 400 dollar dinner or a night on the couch watching a movie and eating popcorn, I will always make you feel loved and connected to me. You are literally my dream woman and I want to spend as much time as I can. Even when we have kids running around, we can make the time to date after a day spent experiencing life with them.

We really are so similar and I can’t wait for this to shine when we spend time together at our new home. Thank you for making me a part of it and putting me first day in day out. I love you so fucking much and can’t wait for the future.

5th August

We are together in person and I’ll tell you all of this to your face. But I cannot apologise and show regret enough for spending even a single minute in a disagreement with you.

I always want you to feel safe and loved fully. Alcohol definitely got the better of me last night, and the way I conducted myself and treated you in public was unacceptable. It would have been a minor thing if my reaction to you telling me to stop was positive, but rather than pull you closer I acted like it was still a game. And looking back at it now I feel like such an idiot for not just hugging you and showing you the love that you wanted.

I promise to treat you better, and not take another moment for granted that we spend together. Today I will be so disgustingly in love with you to show you that I don’t care about the dominant side, and all I want is for you to be secure and adored. My life honestly flashed before my eyes last night and I thought you were gone. I never want that again, because I really cannot live my life without you in it. I can’t accept anything less than us being 100% and I am so sorry that you felt like you had to pull away because of how I acted.

I will be better. You will see this. I am so grateful for my time spent with you and know that we will look back on this trip as being so important for us. Let’s make sure it brought us closer rather than further away. Please.

I love you. Yesterday, today, tomorrow and every day in the future. You are my life. Everything. I am sorry.

2nd August

Perfect through our imperfections.

I said this yesterday a few times and really I am proud that I managed to find such accurate words haha. Our ability to create this perfect relationship for ourselves out of the most unlikely circumstances is so fucking romantic. I love that I am a part of this.

Yesterday (and probably today) are understandably really uncomfortable for you. I wish so much that I could take this away from you but I can’t. You are my only priority and I am sorry I can’t show you that fully, but I know you realise it will be done so soon. How you handled things yesterday was incredible and I can’t thank you enough for staying strong and focusing on what comes next, which is a better life. A happy and fulfilling life. It breaks my heart when you say you know your worth and don’t feel like I show you that yet with this situation…if you could only know how highly I regard you you would never question how your worth is in my eyes.

You are fucking everything to me Christine. You have transformed my life for the better and shown me that true love exists. I feel myself for the first time ever and I will treat you so, so well every day that we spend together. August and September will be easier than June and July, and our connection will be stronger and stronger.

Now go get on that plane to see your man. He loves you so fucking much.

1st August

It is August already. It is coming up to eight months since I first met you in person, which is so fucking crazy to even think about. I know that you joined Nozomi before Christmas and we met via Teams, but never in my wildest dreams thing that we would ever get to this stage.

I do remember thinking that you were super attractive when we met on Teams. I remember you were polite and engaged when we spoke on Teams, which goes a really long way. And you already know how much I love your Boston accent and how you speak, so I would have been more attracted to you even back then that I realised. I, of course, didn’t think anything more of it because you told me how you were married and it seemed impossible to imagine what could happen next.

Your smile still makes me feel warm inside to this day. I remember your smile when we met in person for the first time in the hotel bar in Portugal, which was directed towards me but also at everyone else that you were meeting for the first time. I wish I could know what you were thinking at that moment, and I recall being shocked at how much better looking in person you were than I expected. Subconsciously I must have taken a mental note to try to speak to you later that night, and I remember doing so at the welcome drinks. It was impossible to fully tell whether you liked me back at that point, but there was something about how you responded to me when we were in conversation, and how you looked at me and continued to show me that smile that showed me that you were interested back. And, well, you know the rest…we continued to flirt more and more over the course of the next two days, and by the end of SKO our attraction towards each other was undeniable.

Those three days were so romantic and like something out of a love story with how we managed to make it clear to the other how interested we were. Thank you for allowing yourself to be swept away with your natural emotions and attraction because it has allowed us to stand here today - almost eight months down the line - more deeply in love than either of us have ever been.

You are hands down the best thing to ever happen to me and I feel grateful every single day. You are everything that I need in life. Sei la mia ragazza, per sempre.

31st July

I am writing this at 3.30am after an hour of sleep. It is a short one today and I am sure you can appreciate it is tricky for me to know what words to share.

As I have told you countless times, one thing that will remain consistent is my love for you and how I believe you are my person. Truly, through anything, I love you more than I could ever love again. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that. I hope you know this.

30th July

Sunday is just a few days away, and I am so proud of us for making to this stage. We have come so far even since May…lots of tears, deep conversations, feelings of hope, feelings of loneliness, and feelings of intense love. It has been the period with the most ups and downs that I have ever experienced, and I know that you have felt it just as much as me.

This imperfect way that we have met hasn’t just built us to be this strong together, but also as individuals. We have allowed ourselves to become consumed by our own individual desire to be with the person that we see as our true love. Which has meant disappointing others but also allowing those closest to us to support us and show us their love and dedication to our happiness. I truly believe that we will look back on this year as the most important and character forming experience of our lives. And there won’t be a single ounce of me which would have it any other way. What you said yesterday about my parents being in Peru themselves and only spending their lives with each other hit me so hard, and I realise that you’re totally right. I need that person to be you.

It felt like the anticipation for New York was mostly nerves with lots of excitement, but the nerves have been replaced with more excitement for Milan. I just can’t wait to kiss you, hug you, hold you, stroke you…all whilst looking deep into your eyes and demonstrating my unconditional love for you.

It’s me and you, Christine. Always.

29th July

Here is your update since you complained this morning about not having it. So spoiled…

These few weeks have really highlighted how different our relationship can be depending on what we are doing as individuals. As I said on FaceTime, I have felt like a house wife these past two weeks since I’m bored and not up to much, whereas I know it’s the opposite at other times and when I’m busy and you feel that way. It makes me think of what life will be like in the future when we are both finally living together but have work trips or trips to see friends or family. I am sure that there will be moments where we feel distant or that we aren’t as close as we could be, but you have my commitment to work through times like those and make sure that we always make the other person the ultimate priority.

It feels very different being on opposite side of moments like this. I know that I’m not the best at checking my phone and updating regularly when I’m busy and honestly I’m trying to become more like you because you’re so good at it. You make me feel thought and cared about and I hope that I can give you that same feeling when the shoe is on the other foot. Because I always am thinking about you and you need to realise that whatever I am doing would come second to spending time with you…you are everything in life that I want. Everything else is “checking the box”, as you say, to be able to spend the life that I want with you and our future family.

Enjoy your busy day today. Laugh. Socialise. Gossip. But never ever stop loving me, thinking about me and knowing that I’m just a phone call away to give you every ounce of love in my body.

Ti amo tantissimo x

P.s. I added a new page to the site.

28th July

Ciao bella,

I am so glad that I made this website as it is a chance for you to break away from the conversation that we are engaged in by text or call. Today is (understandably) a really challenging day for you, and I know that your mind is racing with all sorts of possibilities. It’s your survival instinct kicking in, and you naturally look to protect yourself from being hurt.

I can promise you, hand on heart, that I will do everything within my power not to hurt you. Relationships will never be perfect and there will be stuff that we need to work on together, but my drive to please you and make you feel secure is stronger than anything that I have before. I simply cannot lose you. You are everything to me. And every mistake that I have made in the past plays on my mind because I know that you think I would do the same to you, but I will not. I am too determined to make our love successful. I will show you this, day by day.

Please know that I am always here to listen and respect your feelings. Today is tough, and there will be tough days in the future. But I am so committed to you that it hurts.

I love you.

27th July

Ciao bella,

Apologies about the late update today. But when I think about it, it is indicative of how our life together has changed, because I have heard from you so much this morning that I forgot all about this. I will keep this website up to date forever but the fact that we have been able to message and speak by phone all morning shows how far we have come.

I mean it when I say that I have always gotten sick of chatting to the woman I am in a relationship with. Since a kid I have always loved time alone, and I have always felt that way whenever I spend time with friends, family or my other half. But I can’t describe how different it is with you. I feel clingy and attached. I miss you whenever you are busy or asleep and can’t reply. And I constantly check my phone to see if you have replied. And the best part? I don’t feel embarrassed about it or feel like I need to play it cool anymore. Because me showing this side of me which I didn’t know existed seems to make you love me more. Which is a sign that I have met the one.

Gone are the days where we don’t speak on weekends and delete our messages. We will never have to hide each other soon too, and I am honestly proud of how we have held true to each other through all of this. I am so madly in love with you, Christine. You mean everything to me and I hope to hear from you nonstop forever more.

22nd July

Buongiorno,

One sign that I have noticed recently that shows how in love with you I am is the fact that I never need a break from you. In my marriage I have always actively searched for reasons to get a break from her, either physically or over the phone. I have always made excuses about being busy or having plans so that I can take a break from chatting and spending time with her. And I honestly thought that it was just the type of person that I am. Independent and more interested in my own time than others.

But with you this couldn’t be further from the truth. I miss you so much when I can’t speak to you. I am constantly checking for a new message from you. I am irrationally annoyed when other things take up your time and you can’t speak to me as much (like today!), as I am selfish and want your full attention at all times. This is a bit of an exaggeration of course haha, and I know that you have to spend time elsewhere and with other people from time to time, but you get what I mean.

I crave your time and attention so much, and it’s because I have found the one person that I will never be bored or sick of. You interest me so much more than anyone else on Earth…even myself! I can’t wait to be with you in person every night, where you come home from busy days like this and tell me about it then we can be close and intimate together. That is what being a couple is all about and I hate that we don’t have that yet. But, our time will come.

You are the one, Christine. Always will be. Don’t forget it.

21st July

Buongiorno,

I am constantly surprised by how much we grow together. Some of our chats and conversations are around things that couples are too scared to speak about, or take years to find the courage to discuss. There really aren’t any major topics that we haven’t already spoken about and agreed on, and the amazing thing is that we have the same view on things and it seems that we have the same expectations of each other too.

When I say that there is nothing that could scare me off, I really mean that. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you being so open with me about your past and what I need to know about you. We are both coming out of a relationship where we had to tiptoe around the other person’s feelings, and evidently that ends in failure. I know that there are parts about you that you look back on and regret, because I do, but I honestly wouldn’t change any of it because it has turned us both into this person that the other one is obsessed with.

I promise to be open and honest with you, always. I will tell you the good and the bad, and I trust that you will be there for me throughout it all. I hope that you feel the same way and we can build the strongest and most secure relationship that we could dream of.

Have the best Monday. Ti amo tantissimo x

20th July

I didn’t think that this was possible, but yesterday made me fall in love with you even more. I already knew that you are unapologetically you, but hearing Meghan describe you in the same way that I have received you provides me with so much security.

I know that I asked Meghan things that could be perceived as being downsides to your character, but I really don’t see it that way. Things like how stubborn you are and how you control situations are such amazing qualities to have, because they provide consistency. And consistency is what I have been missing. I hate not knowing where I stand or not knowing what is expected of me, and with you I feel like I know you well enough to understand what you need and want.

I also feel like I get a softer side to you than your friends and family. I feel like you speak to me slightly differently to how you speak to your friends and you allow a loving, sensitive side to shine through with me. And I love that. It makes me feel so special and like I am giving you something that you need. You get the same side of me, and I never ever want that to change. You have me in a way that nobody else ever will.

You will be in my arms in just two weeks time. Let’s make these next two weeks so disgustingly romantic and full of love.

Ti amo tantissimo. Sempre x

19th July

Hello beautiful.

I hope that you get to read this today in such a good mood whilst hosting Meghan and having some down time with one of your closest friends. These past two months have been so much for anyone to take and honestly at times must have made you lose hope that you’d feel yourself again and be able to have fun. I sincerely hope that spending time with Meghan has helped you regain that joy at least for a short period of time, right before Milan and Boston should bring even more fun for you.

This site was created with the purpose of me sharing my love and fondest memories of you, and honestly we need to create more memories for me to share. So let me take on that repsonsbility for Milan, then what I need you to do is start creating a list of “things Luke and I will do” when I come to US. Since the plan is for me to be there for 6+ weeks, we will have plenty of time to experience new things together, either alone or with Collins. Even places or experiences that you wouldn’t expect me to enjoy, run them past me or go ahead and plan them, and I will be more than happy to give it all a try. Because all I want to do is spend time with you, and become closer and closer.

Have an amazing day today. Drink some wine and tell Meghan all about me ;)

Ti amo tantissimo. x

18th July

Ciao amore.

We can get through this. We just need to get to Milan after almost three long, difficult months. It is natural that we struggle from time to time but I really can’t see my life without you. Please allow us to work on things and, most importantly, let’s focus on not letting small things affect our wider objective of being happy together.

I know that I need to improve on how I handle things though, Christine. I know I’m not perfect, and I also know that you don’t expect perfect. I just want us to start getting used to each other more and we can get past things like this. And that will happen over time. Let’s try.

I am happy that you have your friend visiting. Use it as some time to focus on something other than the negative sides of your life at the moment. Have fun, drink wine and enjoy yourself.

I love you so so so so much. Always. Without question.

17th July

Ciao amore.

I never fail to be impressed by how strong you are. You handled yesterday so well after a sad start to the week, and used the time alone to be productive and take care of yourself. You are the stability that Collins needs to grow up around, so keep being you and showing everyone how strong you are. Also…this is exactly the sort of character I need in a woman and you prove this day by day. Truly incredible.

I am travelling all day and will be calling you at every possible moment. I miss you so much between calls and can’t wait for this long distance thing to end. You are mine forever and I am fed up of not being able to show you this more. But despite this, I never question my desire and drive to be with you.

I love you more than I can even explain. Enjoy a quiet day today and keep me on your mind.

A dopo x

16th July

Ciao amore.

Today will be a hard day for you, I am sure. And I can completely understand why. But the good thing is you will be even more appreciative when you get to see your girl’s smile again, and the time should go by so quickly. She’ll miss her mum lots and lots and you can get prepared to see her and spoil her when she gets back.

I am here for you over the next few days, the next week and every moment after that. I can’t take the pain of these situations away, but I will try to be the man that you need me to be, in order to feel loved, heard and supported.

I love you ridiculous amounts. You are so so strong and never forget that.

A dopo x

15th July

I am not sure if you will read this today, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about you, caring for you and loving you. I really want to be your outlet and your relief from the stress and pain, and wish that my own feelings didn’t affect that like yesterday or previous days. You call me your rock, but your rock would be the stability that you need through everything…and although I am always here and stable in my commitment to you, I apologise for not being able to counteract your stress at all times.

What you are going through and the feelings that you are having are bigger than “us”. The effects of this decision impact so much more than just me, and I truly recognise that. Your life is changing and it must feel strange because you are making the decision that is right for you, but you must feel like your life is temporarily getting worse in relation to living alone and seeing Collins less etc. It must be so fucking hard. But sometimes things get worse before they get better, and you wouldn’t get to this stage if you hadn’t deeply considered what is best for everyone in your life and not just you.

All that I can do is be here for you at every waking moment and do whatever you need from me - speak, listen, solve, or anything else. I will do that for you without question. Because I love you. And truly believe that we are soulmates and our future needs to be spent together.

The feelings of inadequacy that you are having with me are temporary. I feel it too. It’s just a fear of losing each other and it stems from the fact that we realise that we have finally met our person. If only you could see yourself through my eyes or spend even an hour in my shoes, you’d feel so secure. I am crazy about you. I am madly in love with you. I am obsessed with you. And I accept and love every single small and large detail about you Christine.

You are not going to lose me. Ever. Even if you turned around and decided that you didn’t want to speak to me until 2026, I’d prepare to call you at 00.01 on January 1st. With as much love and appreciation for you as ever. Tell me what you need from me, whether that is space or attention or anything in between, and I’ll do it for you in a heartbeat.

I could not love you any more than I do. Sorry for all of this, and I hope that you can make yourself feel a little bit better each day. You are everything.

14th July

Good morning amore.

I enjoyed our discussion about what I am looking forward to most about having kids yesterday. It is actually really difficult to name just one or two things that I am most excited about because I am genuinely looking forward to all of it.

I know that we sometimes avoid speaking about kids in fear of us not being able to have children but honestly I don’t think we should think that way. I am so all in with you that even if that does happen I’d want to explore alternatives and, if nothing else works, you have your beautiful daughter already that we can spoil. As soon as we can start trying for a baby we will, and I’d say we have a pretty good chance with how often we plan to “try”…

I am so excited to be a part of your life and create the best environment for kids and for us. It keeps me going throughout all of this, and I am 100% certain that you are the woman I want to marry and be a parent beside.

Have a nice day! I love you.

13th July

Good morning amore.

I am done with waking up in a hotel or Airbnb bed, or in a single bed or sofa, and not having you next to me. Even though we have only spent three nights next to each other, I know from those three nights that it is exactly what I want to happen forever.

I can’t wait to open my eyes and immediately wrap my arms around you, whether you are awake or still asleep. Or run my hands through your hair, or stroke your arm or your face. And as soon as you wake up I will give you your first kiss of the day. I want you to instantly feel loved, secure and happy when you wake up and start your day. No matter how busy our day is or what we have to do, we can always spend those first couple of minutes connecting through physical touch.

We will be doing that in just three weeks in Milan. Three weeks. It is so, so soon. And whatever these next three weeks through at you, think about that moment of waking up and me being there for you to give you all of the love in the world.

Have a nice day amore. I love you.

12th July

Good morning amore.

I am quite sad today because it is Saturday again and I am not spending it with you. Weekends will be our chance to spend all of our time together, especially with me working UK hours from Texas Monday-Friday. After a long week of work and being busy, it will be our day to connect.

Depending on how stressful the week has been and how tired we are, we can either relax together or get out and do an activity/bar hop. Knowing how active we both are, I am sure that it will almost always be the second option though…I can’t quite remember which day you will have Collins on the weekend, but if it is Saturday then that also gives us the chance to do fun things with her like you did last night. It will be a cute family day, which will be so rewarding after all of this year that we have had to go through to be together.

I can’t wait to get some fun back into our lives, and honestly it will be like nothing either of us have experienced before. I’m used to spending weekends with someone that I don’t truly connect with. It’s going to be so special with you.

Have a lovely day. Never stop believing in us. I love you so much.

11th July

I love that we have gotten to the point where we feel more comfortable seeing each other when we aren’t at our best. I know that you always think I look the same but I definitely have good and bad days and you accept me all the same. And our Facetime yesterday was one of my favourites. I preferred it to when you’re all dressed up and looking your best because it was so real and like normal life. You were dealing with a sick kid and a hectic lifestyle, and I promise you that this side of your life is what I love you for.

I don’t expect every day to be glamourous. I am fully on board with the mess and chaos that having a child brings. Although I am not used to dealing with it, I’m so ready to learn and am genuinely excited to be able to take care of your daughter like that, and hopefully a few extra kids in the future too.

You are so beautiful inside and out, always. You are everything in my eyes. Truly the complete package. I love and miss you so much, amore.

10th July

Buongiorno amore.

I have the QBR in exactly 7 minutes time so please excuse the short and sweet message today. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your life with me, through the good and the bad. Life is never going to be easy and it feels tougher now more than ever, but you have me throughout any possible moment and, most importantly, you never need to feel like you shouldn’t share how you really feel with me.

Take things day by day. No matter what your current situation throws at you, keep the end goal in mind of us being together and supporting each other till the very end.

I love you so much. Today, tomorrow and every day to come.

9th July

Buongiorno amore.

And we’re back…

After those bad few days, it amazes me that I still always have so much that I can say about you. We said that we are with each other through the highs and the lows, and it’s difficult to imagine how much lower we could ever get. I know that everything doesn’t heal straightaway, and we can’t just instantly go back to the same sort of high as New York, but we can only work at it together and support each other through it all.

Milan is just 3 and a half weeks away. We will have 3 days fully consumed in each other’s presence and touch, with almost no distraction or pressure from the outside world. I can’t wait to stroke your face and your arm. Cuddle you both tightly and also softly at night. Kiss you all over. Whisper into your ear and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I think about it so so often and remind myself that moments like that are what stay with us when times get low.

And then we have a month in August where I will be alone and available so much to chat and plan our future together. I’ll book my flight for October (if I haven’t done so already), and will continue planning other aspects of the move. Then we are so fucking close to the finish line. I will have my divorce to deal with, sure, but I can get through all of that with your undivided support and advice.

We have got this. It is worth all of the stress, anxiety and worry. You are my person and I’d do it 1000000x over if it meant I end my life next to you, Christine.

I love you so much. Today, tomorrow and every day to come.

6th-8th July

These were a few tough days for both you and I. I was distracted and caught up in the pressure and emotions that the whole world was causing. I didn’t make the time or commitment to update this, and for that I am truly sorry. I never stopped loving you, caring for you or longing for you. You remained my rock throughout it. I’ll be better.

5th July

Buongiorno amore.

I hope that you realise my frustration last night wasn’t caused by you. It was because I know that you react to the situation that you are in, and if you are caused to feel insecure or embarrassed because of me then that really gets to me. I want to be able to give you everything that you need, all of the time. You also said about me not being proud to show you off, and it is so so so untrue, I promise. You will see how that isn’t the case when the time is right - which is so soon.

We have had such a fantastic week with neither of us being surrounded by the life that we are leaving. I know that me going home tonight will be just as tough for you to handle as it is for me when you go home tomorrow, but we should stop looking at it as we are going “home” or back to another person. We are just counting down the days and making the necessary steps to being together. And although you are steps ahead of me in regards to leaving your life, it will be so much quicker for me to transition out of my life. And I will be speaking to her about this today.

These next few months are a tiny fraction of the life that we will spend together. You are honestly doing an amazing job on a daily basis to accept my love and commitments and keep believing in our relationship. I couldn’t ask for anything else from you and I promise you will feel so much more secure and content soon.

I love you so much. Today, tomorrow and every day to come.

4th July

Happy 4th July my love. I know you usually spend it in Florida surrounded by more friends and family, but I’m sure you’ll have plenty of more busy celebrations in the years to come.

I’m so grateful that you show constant excitement towards including me in these kind of holidays. The fact that you are proud to tell people about me and will be proud to introduce me to people makes me feel so good about myself. It honestly builds my confidence so much…not that my confidence was low before, but I’m even more so now that I get to call you mine. I am so excited to do the same, because you are such a lovable and caring person which is evident even after the first conversation with you. I know that you’ll show genuine interest in my family and show enthusiasm towards seeing them and spending time with them. That is honestly something that I have never had and it shows me again that I have finally found my person.

I am really looking forward to our Christmases, Thanksgivings, Halloweens etc. together. The fact that Collins is there too will actually make me enjoy these holidays more, to see the joy and excitement on her face. And the future kids that we have together.

I hope that you have an awesome day celebrating 4th July for the final time before you’re surrounded by a Brit :)

I love you so much.

3rd July

There is no way that I can beat yesterday’s post, but I know you check this daily and like seeing an update, so here you go…

I am still so happy from our date yesterday. I would usually roll my eyes if someone told me they had a date over Facetime, thinking that it could never be enjoyable or that it would be awkward. But yesterday I was thinking about it all day and really wanted to put in effort and make it special for you, because everything seems different with you. I have never been so infatuated or so willing to try new things for someone, and I hope that you can recognise this every day when you speak with me.

Even though we shouldn’t need to spend too much time apart, we will be doing long distance from time to time so need to keep up with the online dates. We already agreed that we need to have a date on a weekly basis moving forward, so let’s continue that even when we aren’t physically together. We could even do something more lowkey than yesterday, like watch the same movie together (Netflix Party, I think it’s called), or find another game to play online. Or even just get naked like yesterday - fully naked this time for me too with better lighting…

Nothing will ever come close to how enjoyable our time together is physically, but we demonstrated that distance won’t stop us from growing closer. Thank you for making the effort that you do every minute or every day. You make me feel so desired, and I hope you feel the same way.

I love you so much.

1st July

Ciao bella,

I am so encouraged by our mature and open conversations, like we had yesterday. I have never been able to fully relax or feel at ease in a relationship before, through fear of giving the wrong impression or making myself look bad. In the past I have avoided difficult conversations or have hidden truths about me to protect my own feelings or the other person’s, but I really have transformed that for you.

On a daily basis you make me feel so loved and accepted. You are so, so emotionally intelligent…nothing like I’ve experienced before. You know what you want and don’t want, need and don’t need, and like and don’t like. And you’re not afraid to express this or make it clear to me. This works so well for me as I am driven by guidelines and clarity of situations, and it just so happens that I feel the same way about accepting and loving every aspect of your life and how you are.

Our relationship is truly beyond my expectations. I never thought I’d feel so close to someone like I do with you. Thank you so much for your love and commitment to building this together.

Ti amo, Christine.

30th June

Hi beautiful.

This has been the longest weekend ever for me. It was filled with uncomfortable conversations and no joy, and everything would be extremely dark and hopeless if I didn’t have you. You are the light at the end of this whole tunnel for me and I know that I have been here to provide you with the same support over the past months too. Thank you so much for everything that you do.

Going through all of this reinforces how important it will be for us to constantly work to show up for each other. Even though this is the hardest part, we’re not naive enough to think that there won’t be other difficult moments. When we are long distance and we are both travelling for work or to see friends and family, it may be easy for us to lose sight of the other person’s fidelity and commitment. The visa process might be lengthy and it may cause some strain on things if we can’t be together as often as we want. Or there may be other things that come up which seem difficult to navigate.

What is important to remember is that you are making me a better person day by day. I vow to work at becoming the best version of myself which, in turn, will allow me to constantly be there for you and give you everything that you want in life. I also vow to be there for your family (especially Collins), and our future kids. There will always be hard times, but I promise that I will always be there for you and want to be the man that you need every day. You really are my everything.

Ti amo, Christine.

29th June

Hi beautiful.

Yesterday we spoke about new experiences. We both realise how much we will expose the other to new things, and it adds the best aspect to our relationship. If I were American and was born and raised in Dallas then met you there, I’m not sure that we’d be together. I’d love to think that you’d still see me somewhere and you’d fall in love with me, but I think that in reality there is so much of our connection that comes from our differences. And I love it.

The festival plan is very exciting. I have never thought of festivals as much fun, but yesterday I was watching a clip from Glastonbury this weekend and saw a couple dancing together and I need that to happen for us too. The World Cup will be awesome too and will be a chance for you to love my favourite sport with me. I also have always wanted to be super fancy and go to the theatre for a big show - get dressed up formal clothes (with you in a stunning dress), go for a fancy dinner and drinks before, then head back to a hotel room and finish our night off there.

I’ll have plenty of alone time this week to think of some more ideas, so I’ll let you know. I often feel like I have been given a second shot at life after meeting you. I can’t wait to share every second as your love.

Ti amo, Christine.

28th June

Hi beautiful.

I know that you are travelling today and taking care of Collins all by yourself, which must be difficult but if anyone can do it you can. We also spoke quite a lot about kids yesterday (plus your baby fever after getting to hold the cutest newborn). Even though you have a major head start when it comes to raising children, I hope that you realise how much of a life objective it is for me to raise children.

I see being a parent as the most important job in the world. Over the past few years I have matured a lot in this aspect of life because I never thought I’d want kids before, and I never thought that my lifestyle would match up with having kids. But there are moments when I’m out in public and see parents with 3+ kids who are all behaving well, having a nice time and existing as a wholesome family, and it makes me so excited to have that for myself too. Being able to raise kids who all have their own personalities, goals, preferences and quirks seems like the most fulfilling life, and I think about it a lot.

It’s important that we don’t put pressure on having children because it’s a really good way for couples to resent each other if it doesn’t go to plan. As we have discussed before, you are so lucky that you already have an incredible daughter, so I’m very happy that we can avoid being stressed about having kids as soon as possible. I am looking forward to having fun and being so close together while we try for children. There is truly nothing else in life that I want more, and I couldn’t ask for a better person to do this with.

Ti amo, Christine.

27th June

“I think that yesterday was perhaps one of the best days that I have had whilst being with you.”

The fact that this is how I opened up yesterday’s post and we then went on to have one of the hardest days that we have had just highlights how much of a rollercoaster our journey is. There really are so many impacting elements to this. So many decisions to make. So many crucial moves to make. It is completely understandable that all of this gets overwhelming regularly for us both and it all seems like too much to handle.

But…

Our genuine love for each other will prevail. The life that we envision for ourselves together will keep us going. And the way that we feel about each other is worth this rollercoaster that we are on, because nothing in life gets better than this true connection that we have. You have my unconditional commitment that I will follow through with everything to be by your side at the end. I promise. You are everything to me. It breaks my heart that you feel low and sad because all I want is to see you smile, laugh and be happy. I’d do anything for you.

I’ll end this with a quote that you may recognise…”This year is going to be hard. We both know that. But I’d take one hard year with you if it means I get 50+ great ones. I will keep choosing you, no matter where life takes us. Everyday, over and over again. It’s you. You are my person!”

I love you so fucking much.

26th June

I think that yesterday was perhaps one of the best days that I have had whilst being with you. With the exception of the days that we were physically together, we had the opportunity to see each other on Facetime and, most importantly, have mature and adult conversations that brought us closer.

I adore that you said you’re feeling how loving I am. I haven’t been able to see my own evolution, but the fact that you can tell how insanely in love with you and how committed I am to you is so important. I promise that my objective in life is to be the best boyfriend/partner/man/husband (pick one) to you that I possibly can be. You motivate me to improve myself physically and emotionally, and I already feel like a better person by being with you. I feel like I know you much better after yesterday too. I know more about what you do and don’t like, and also about how you will act with me in times of vulnerability. It’s amazing that we have this opportunity to grow even more in love with each other and become used to life together.

You should know that you can always ask me anything. I want you to feel closer to me than anyone else on Earth. I want you to see me as an extension of yourself. and I want to grow old in each other’s presence.

I’m so excited for Milan and what comes after that. You are my complete world. I love you so much.

25th June

I am looking forward to the weddings that we need to attend next year. Hopefully I can plan properly and attend Ashleigh’s in January, but if not it sounds like we will still have four or five others to attend between us both.

I have always found attending weddings to be super emotional. It’s one of the very few times that I cry, even as a guest. I cry at happy things like that rather than sad things. The overwhelming joy and love usually gets my emotional side out, so be prepared for that.

I can’t wait to see you in your wedding guest outfits. You always dress so well but wedding outfits are always extra special. I’ll be sure to look my best to at least come close to your level of attractiveness.

Love you

24th June

Hi beautiful,

I hope that you realise that I’m genuinely looking forward to living in Dallas. I know that I am leaving Como and I’d be lying if I said that there won’t be things that I’ll miss about here, but I’m sure there will be a lot which is quite well suited to me.

You have already done the huge task of finding a great home for us, so thank you! And I know that by the time I get there you’ll have turned it into a proper home which we can live in for the next short while. I’m fairly easy to please when it comes to living somewhere. I need good weather (check), I need access to a gym (check), I need outside space to walk and get fresh air (check), and I need cool bars and restaurants fairly nearby to fill my weekend with (check). It seems that Dallas has all of that and more, and I am excited to experience it all with you.

Initially I’ll be just visiting before a visa etc is sorted so we will make sure to fill our time and make the most of our new home. Thankfully you have met someone who is outgoing and doesn’t like to be bored, and if New York is anything to go by then we’ll have the best time. Even though some Friday evenings I want to just chill after a long week at work, I am never one to turn down plans or cancel arrangements out of laziness of procrastination. I’ll be by your side throughout everything that you invite me to.

Your place in Dallas will be my first home in the US so will always hold a fond memory for me, I’m sure. I cannot wait to experience it with you, Christine. Thank you, and I love you so much.

23rd June

We have a once in a lifetime relationship, Christine, and yesterday reinforced that for me. After such a difficult weekend for both of us, it’s so normal that we are upset or worried about certain things, and we’re always going to have times where we disagree or argue. But it’s how we handle ourselves and the other person’s emotions in those times that makes us special.

There are a few things that I appreciate so much about our approach to disagreements. The first one is listening. As we know I sometimes don’t have the best listening skills (sorry), but I do pride myself on being able to zone in on what you are telling me during these moments and get to the root issue and try to make things better. This has been something I’ve always been good at but unfortunately I have been with someone who is the polar opposite…but now I have met you, and you are an amazing listener and you do everything that you can to understand my perspective. We are set up for a productive and successful marriage because of this, I truly believe that.

The other thing that I appreciate is how you don’t discredit how I feel. Yesterday, you were perfectly within your right to tell me I was being stupid or unreasonable about not believing that you fully trust me, but you made a point to reassure me without just speaking meaninglessly to make me feel better. I will always do this for you too because validating your opinion and making you feel secure is the most important thing to me.

Although most of our life together will be filled with joy, it is refreshing to know that we will come out of any hard times feeling closer and more in love. You are the best human in every way, Christine. I love you unconditionally

22nd June

Your happiness is so important to me and I am sorry that you need to go through everything right now which takes your happiness away. I can’t wait for a time when your new routine is set up and in full swing and I can come to visit and provide nothing but love and enjoyment to you. I already know some small things that make you happy, like coffee in the morning, music on while you get ready etc., but there is so much more that I can’t wait to learn about your routine. I am so convinced that we are 100% compatible and we will build a life where we love each other through acts of service and making each other’s life fulfilled.

We also should try to find some new experiences that we have as fully ours. Both coming from marriages/long term relationships, we will be so used to what that other person likes and will have adapted to this, so I want to find some new things that we have experienced for the first time together. I’m not sure what this could be yet but the idea of having things, places or experiences unique to us makes me so excited.

Things are so fucking difficult right now but I never lose sight of the end goal of us being together. I look at the NY photos of us together every day. I read back our messages every day. I even think about you when sexual tension gets too much and I need to do something about it…You are on my mind so much and it just goes to show how amazing and perfect you are in my eyes. Thank you for everything and for sticking by me through all of this. You’re my dream woman and always will be.

20th June

Been thinking a lot about you wanting peace. That really resonated with me because I want that too. I am the least petty or twisted person to be with. I don’t find problems to bring up when I’m bored. I don’t cast up old arguments or times when you did something wrong just to have an argument. And I definitely don’t want to make you feel guilty, embarrassed or awkward about any aspect of your past.

I really do love you for you. I hate that this situation is taking some of your spark away because your unique character has always been so noticeable and attractive to me. I can’t wait for this all to be over and for us to be back to ourselves fully, with the added benefit of being 100% happy in our relationship. I know that it’ll create the best possible environment for Collins and our future kids to grow up around. I can’t wait to be a role model alongside you.

I will be thinking of you all weekend, Christine. I do that anyway but even more so when I know you’re hurting over there. We’ll get through this and be together with all of this behind us. I love you so fucking much.

19th June

Since I’m editing this in the airport heading to Belgium, I can’t help but dream about our holidays together in the future. Your love for travel and exploring the world is a major reason as to why I’m so in love with you. I love that we will get the chance to show each other our favourite places whilst also visiting new places for the first time.

Japan is of course at the top of our list. We should try to do some traditional things there like visit the Japanese castles and eat authentic sushi. I’d also like to see some of the more peaceful parts of the country so we can spend a few days outside of the major cities.

After that, I’d love to do a safari in Africa. Maybe Kenya or Botswana. The idea of waking up in an amazing hotel and looking out over animals and wildlife is so exciting to me, and of course going out on a car to see lions, giraffes etc. Hopefully this is your kinda thing too.

My third suggestion would be Australia and New Zealand. Even though I have been before I didn’t get a chance to see much, so I’d like to go back and see the beaches, the Great Barrier Reef, maybe even swim with sharks or something?

Let me know where else you’d like to visit and we can add them to the list. We have a lot of life in front of us and I’m so keen to make sure we see everything we dream of, and take our kids there too. They’re going to be soooo well travelled.

I am constantly excited about life with you, Christine. It can’t come quick enough. Sei il mio mondo.

18th June

Congratulations on securing the apartment!! I’m so happy that you have found somewhere that you can call home for a while, and even welcome me to stay when I can. We will have our own little space without any interruptions, distance or complications in the way. When we get to that point we will be over the worst of everything and can plan our lives together even more.

There is so much that excites me about your apartment and what we will do on a regular basis…I can’t wait to put up some pictures of us, of Collins, of your family, and anything else that will make it your home. I can’t wait to see your style and how you decorate. I can’t wait to help out with keeping the place clean and tidy, with cooking (especially outside), with doing the grocery shopping. I can’t wait to go to the gym in the morning together and start our day off in the right way. I can’t wait to chat throughout the day to hear about how work is going and deciding on our plans for the evening and weekend - and then spending those evenings and weekends together either ourselves, with Collins, with your friends or family if they visit.

I feel so fortunate to be a part of your life and go through this milestone together. I promise to love and care for you every day and to never take it for granted.

17th June

I promise that my lack of updates here don’t reflect on my love for you or how I feel. I am going through the toughest time of my life as you know, and it is even tougher knowing that you’ll have come to the site and been disappointed to see no update. I can onoy apologise!

I desperately long to go back to New York. I think that is a big reason why I’m so down right now, because in the space of a month I went from the happiest I have ever been to the most stressed and upset. I have never laughed and smiled so much in the space of 3 days. Our dinner on the Monday night was incredible, for example - sat at the bar, ordering good food, drinking a bottle of wine and being completely immersed in our time with each other. At that moment, anyone else’s feelings meant nothing. It didn’t matter how much money was in my bank account. It didn’t matter what else was happening this summer. All that mattered was you. That’s how I wish life always was.

We will get back to that point. I really hope that Milan can bring that for us and that we have everything sorted and tied up by then. Thank you for your commitment and dedication to me on a daily basis, even when I’m struggling to see through it. You are the best, and I love you more than you know.

14th June

Sorry about the busy day and no post yesterday. I sincerely hope that you realise I am thinking about you just as much, if not more.

I hate that we aren’t already living together and I know that you do too. Most of all, I hate that I’m giving any time, energy and presence to Robyn when I should be giving it all to you. Today, I want to tell you about the conversation I had one on one with my sister today.

I mentioned about Robyn and I’s problems on Wednesday but to be honest I didn’t emphasise it enough. Today/yesterday, we spent 2 hours alone together after my brother left speaking about how I am feeling, what I want and how much she supports me. I told here that Robyn isn’t my person, and she agreed…even she sees that. She has never been close to Robyn and here confirming that made me so sad. What made it worse is that we realised we aren’t close enough, so we’re gonna speak every day now without fail.

She has offered me a room in their apartment in August, and I’m gonna take her up on it. I’ll work from there until I can come to Texas to see you. I finally have a plan which involves being with you.

You and Rachael will get on well. Be genuine, caring and your general self and she’ll be like your second sister.

I love you so fucking much…

12th June

Our chat yesterday about marriage is a really important one which I’m glad we are on the same page about.

I sometimes day dream about having a big wedding with you, where I see you for the first time in a stunning dress and we get to throw a big event with all of our friends and family there. I think that this would be incredibly special, but I think we both realise that our first experiences of doing that haven’t turned out well and that we shouldn’t rush into that. When I think about how things will go for us, I really want to make you feel like my bride some day because it’s a symbol of how much I love you and commit to caring for you. But as I said yesterday I think we should do it in a more intimate way first to be able to create an official bond, then renew our vows and make a big deal about our marriage in later years.

Personally I would love to do the big ceremony in Italy. By that time we’ll have spent years building a family and life together in the US, we’ll have saved money and gotten into a position where we can plan a big event, then we can organise and put on our dream wedding. I 100% want this in life with you and want to give you everything that you could ask for from a wedding with me.

I love you, Christine. We are getting through this day by day.

11th June

Today’s update will be short and sweet whilst I’m travelling, as I still need to make sure you know I’m thinking of you.

You photoshopping your wedding ring reminded me of New York and pretending that we were married. I have never felt so proud and confident in those situations. Of course, a big reason is that anyone who hears it is going to look at you, see how beautiful you are and give me credit for managing to call you my wife…but also it comes down to the 100% security I feel knowing that you are kind, respectful and well-mannered. I have no concerns at all about introducing you to my friends or family, as I know that they will instantly see how much of a genuine person you are. This is such a huge benefit and testament to your character.

As I always tell you, I love everything about you. Unconditionally. Without doubts.

10th June

I have been thinking a lot this morning about the next few years, particularly what it will be like to meet all of your friends and family, and vice versa. I really appreciated yesterday how excited you were about visiting Scotland and you have clearly been dreaming and fantasising about it as much as I have.

I’m guessing that your first time in Scotland might actually be for my sister’s wedding in August next year. There is a chance that you’ll go sooner but I know we’ll have a busy year. The good thing is that you’ll be able to meet everyone at once and spend time with them to get to know them. It will be a big wedding but mostly on the side of my sister’s fiancee’ David as he has a huge family. We’ll be sure to plan a few days around it too so that I can take you to my tiny hometown, my grandparents place, Glasgow, Edinburgh and maybe some other typical spots. I already know that you’ll love how friendly people are and the small Scottish details everywhere. You can also meet some of my friends during that trip, which almost always entails bar hopping and drinking lots, which I know you enjoy. I already know that you’ll fit in so well, get on amazingly with everyone and show them all why I made the decision to be with you.

I’d love for you to tell me what to expect when I visit Boston so that I can visualise it some more. I’ll be partly nervous, partly excited, but one thing I can promise is that I will present myself well and make sure they know straightaway that I care deeply about you and am the right person to take care of you, Collins and our future kids. That is super important to me and I know that it is to you too.

9th June

I know that this past weekend was a tricky one for us, but I promise that looking at our future life together I am always more excited and optimistic than I am challenged by the obstacles ahead. The reason that this is the case is that I see us as so compatible with each other. This was proven in Italy/Switzerland and NY, and it builds each day that passes.

When I look at what our 2026 will look like, we will have gotten over the difficult conversations by then. I’ll have moved out and will have told my family about my plans to move to the US, and you will have told everyone about me and hopefully even introduced me to some people. We have 5 or 6 weddings scheduled for the year which gives us such a good chance to build holidays or trips around to spend quality time with each other and have fun. For the weddings that you’ll attend with me for my family, you’ll get your first opportunity to visit Scotland to meet my family, see my home country and become a part of the extended family that will support you moving forward. The fact that you are excited about that and are so keen to learn more about what has formed the man that you love is such a big sign that I have found the right person. I can’t wait to give you that and make sure that you have so much fun in the process.

There isn’t a single moment that has passed for the past months where I question your suitability as my person. Don’t let anything convince you otherwise. I will show you this day by day until we are fully together, emotionally and physically. I love you so much, Christine.

8th June

I love sharing new experiences with you like the helicopter ride, but I also enjoy trying things that you already love. The Allagash beer was a good example of that. So was the pizza in NY. Such unexpected, random things for you to love and be excited to share with me, but it is the sort of thing that creates core memories. Thank you for bringing me into your life and sharing the things that you love with me. 

What is important to me is that you never change or hide who you are and what you like. I know that you’ve said a few times that you feel comfortable enough to be your true self, and I want to be clear that I love everything about you, even the things that you don’t notice or don’t consider. Meeting you and being with you has given me the opportunity to be myself for the first time ever…even now, I hide things or suppress what I think about situations to please those around me, but never with you. You make me so complete and so accepted. Thank you.

I can’t wait to make more memories with you where you share something that you love with me. I love you, always

6th June

Yesterday’s post has got me thinking about our future life together a lot. How many kids we will have, how we will raise them, what holidays will be like, which family members will we visit in each part of the world... I think we have the chance to create something truly special with our family because we’re bringing together two very different worlds whilst influencing it with unique experiences that we have had growing up differently.

Just think about how well travelled and exposed to new experiences our children will be! By the time they reach their teenage years they will have visited so many parts of the US, Europe and maybe even South America if my parents are still there. If everything goes to plan then they may have even travelled more than that and learned so much about the world. We’ll be setting them up for success and for them to have all the opportunities that they could need in life, and I think that’s what the purpose of life is for me.

I really believe that our love for travel is something that has drawn us together. If I were exactly the same in terms of looks and the way I spoke but had never moved away from my hometown, I don’t think that you’d be in love with me. I think that the experiences that I have picked up throughout my life of living in 5 different countries and being forced to be outgoing and communicative has given me my personality which you have fallen in love with (even if you find me a bit too flirty). And I believe the opposite is true and that your diverse upbringing, your life in different parts of the country and where you have travelled have all added to your personality, which I could not have any more love for. I am truly obsessed with you.

Let’s vow to never become stagnant or boring. I don’t want a life of constant chaos and we need normality from day to day (like I described yesterday), but let’s always have a trip planned or a goal to meet. We will be such a power couple and I believe that we can achieve everything together.

5th June

I had the idea to switch things up a bit. Rather than write about a memory, I want to write about the future, as we need to keep that in mind too throughout all of this.

We both realise that New York was a fantasy and it isn’t what normal, day-to-day life will be like when we are together. But in some ways I am looking forward to those normal days even more, because that’s where we have the chance to grow even closer. I can imagine in five years from now we will be living together in Texas, Boston or wherever is best, and we’ll have a normal Thursday similar to this:

• I will wake up first and go to the gym so that I can make you coffee to bring to you in bed (this is a requirement - I need to be the first one up and you need caffeine)

• Mornings will consist of you making the kids breakfast and I can get them ready for school or whatever they have on that day

• When the kids are at school or settled into doing what they have planned for the day, we will both be working (either at home together, at an office or whatever our work requires at that time). If we are at home then we will make sure to have lunch together and chat about how our day is going. It sounds like it will usually be leftovers since you cook so much, but I’ll make it if not

• We’ll work in the afternoon and make sure the kids are picked up and get back home. They can play in the house or go to any activities they’re into (I’m so excited to get my kids involved in sports or clubs so we should discuss this)

• We can take turns cooking dinner as you can’t do it every night and need a break. Plus, I am a good cook so you’ll be taken care of

• Once we get the kids to bed, we’ll make sure the house is clean and tidy (yes, I’ll do that too) before we relax with wine and a TV show that we’re into. We will spend quality time together and make sure that the other person feels heard, loved and cared for.

• We’ll end the day by getting into bed and getting a final ‘workout’ in before we sleep.

Excited to hear what I have missed out or what you think we should do too. I can’t explain how much of a dream this is for me. I love you and our future life.

4th June

I really enjoyed making you smile, laugh and be happy yesterday. It gives me so much joy and it is honestly my favourite thing to do.

It made me think of when we laughed together the most, and I’m struggling to pinpoint just one moment as the majority of the New York trip was full of laughter. It tends to be when we wind each other up that we find the most fun, like when you make fun of me giving serial killer vibes or when I make fun of you needing the room to be minus 1000 degrees with whale noises to sleep.

We have very similar humour and I can’t wait for that to come out more as we find TV shows and movies to watch together, or can freely share Instagram reels or funny things we see online. There won’t be a single day that passes where I don’t try to make you smile/laugh as it’s in my nature, and no matter what we go through I am sure that we can take a step back and find joy in being with each other.

Looking forward to seeing your smile today on FaceTime. Especially now that your swelling on your lips has gone down and you don’t look like Lola from Shark Tale anymore.

Il mio cuore e’ sempre tuo.

3rd June

Ciao amore.

I still can’t get over the effort you went to in order to make my birthday special. As you know, I am not a birthday person. I always downplay it and don’t make a big deal or even tell anyone, so the fact that you insisted on surprising me even a month later when you saw me was so thoughtful.

The helicopter experience was one of those times where you actually felt like you were mine. I referred to you as my wife, we got our first photo together and it felt so right how you hugged me the whole time. It was all so fast and chaotic but I was able to immerse myself into that experience and truly enjoy my time with you, which has always been really hard for me to do. It is insane how we have only known each other for months as it feels like I have shared so much more life with you than that, mainly because of how compatible we are together.

I can’t wait to spoil you and make you feel just as special in the future. You deserve the world and I will give you all of the love and attention that I can to keep you smiling and happy. You will be my wife at some point, I already know that. And I can’t fucking wait.

2nd June

Today I’m bringing our memory back to Como, so that I can share my perspective of the moment that you say changed everything for you.

I left you at the Hilton at around 2am after battling so much to keep our contact to kissing only…it was so hard and I know that you felt it too. I got back home and immediately set an alarm for 3 hours later to wake up and come say goodbye to you at the train station. Sleep really doesn’t mean anything to me when I get to see you, because I know that being awake is far better than any dream could be. I had a weird mix of excitement and sadness when I came to meet you, as I didn’t know when I would next see you or if you’d still be interested in me.

I know a lot of people here in Como, yet I was willing to risk being seen by everyone to hold you, kiss you and say goodbye. I know that I was still on edge, but there were moments where you looked into my eyes with your arms around me and we were immediately in a world of our own. Kissing you (even in public) is truly incredible, and I am grateful every time that I get to share such an intimate thing with someone like you.

I think deep down I knew that we would be fine after that day and that I’d see you again soon, but I didn’t let myself get my hopes up. We have done soooo well getting to the place that we are today and I know that we will make this work from a long distance too.

Sei veramente un sogno per me. Grazie di tutto, cara.

1st June

I have been thinking a lot this weekend about being intimate with you. You really have brought out a side of me that I didn’t think existed. I feel something when I touch you that I have never felt before, whether it is a kiss, a hug, you holding my arm or (obviously) sex.

Kissing you in the middle of the day on a train in Switzerland was the most out of character moment of my life, but it still feels so right. We had only had our first kiss one day before but it felt like we had been together forever, with my hand on your thigh to feel even closer to you. I could have kissed you that whole evening if we could and honestly could have ripped your clothes off right there.

Please never stop showing me love because that’s what I plan to do with you. You will be constantly reminded of what you mean to me, either through my words or my actions when we are together.

Ti amo.

31st May

This memory was all about seeing you at the airport. How nervous I was, how much I anticipated the moment and how everything went out of the window when I saw you. You make me smile so naturally, more than anyone ever has before.
I lost the full write up of this (sorry), but I am sure that looking back on the moment that we saw each other again will still bring you joy. I love you.

30th May

You may not even remember this but the first time I felt a connection with you was on night two at SKO. I remember locking eyes with you in the hallway at the monastery and sensing there was something there. You looked stunning that evening…I tried to speak to you at every possible opportunity to get you to like me, which paid off in the end when you started calling me your work boyfriend at the bar.

If you had asked me at that moment to run away with you I would. I have been infatuated by your entire presence ever since. You are incredible.